This article contains mentions of self-harm, bullying, body-image, and symptoms of depression, which could be triggering.
For years I have struggled with my Mental Health, Self – Esteem and my weight, always blowing it off
and always thinking it was just a ‘phase.’ I was bullied in primary school which carried on into high
school, which for me, is when everything got more serious.
Year 7 was the year when I started to self-harm, telling everyone that I had slipped in the shower and to
my surprise, they believed me. I used it as an escape from the hurt and pain I was feeling from both
school and home. I saw therapist after therapist and nothing seemed to work, may I add I was so
depressed I didn’t really want to do anything to change myself. I kept to myself, stopped taking care of
myself and just kept eating, hoping something magical would happen.
I had ‘friends’ tell me I was too fat to be in their life and was mooed at by people as I walked into school,
which for me caused me to arrive 30 minutes before everyone arrived so I could walk into school and
not feel anxious, this happened every day or the mornings where I could walk in with someone, made it
a little more bearable.
Somedays I’d refuse to go to school and just stay in bed. I cried to my mother and asked why this was
happening to me. Why wasn’t I getting the picture perfect high school experience?
Though, things started to get a little better for me, all thanks to one very special friend, who stuck by me
and believed me who still does today. I started taking better care of myself. I ate better. I walked every
day for one hour. And by just doing that I was feeling a lot better about myself. I dropped about 10 kg’s
and I was feeling great.
BUT, everything came crashing down; once again I got into a funk that I just couldn’t get out off. From
then on my weight yo – yo’ed, it went up and down or stayed the same. I tried to eat healthy but
eventually stopped because it all became too hard and once again, I began to self-harm; not a lot,
maybe once or twice. I hated how I looked; every time I looked in the mirror I was disgusted.
This continued on for another couples years. My attendance at school became poor and so did my
grades; I just didn’t really care. I became angry and didn’t want help from anybody. At that point, I just
wanted to give up. I just wanted to stay in bed and not do anything.
I finally went a saw my doctor and spoke to her about everything, how I was feeling etc. After I spoke
with my parents and my doctor, we decided it was maybe the best idea to try medication; which I’ve
been on for the past 2+ months. I still have my good days and bad days and I still feel like giving up but I
just keep pushing through those days. I know, eventually it will be my time to be happy.