“the could have, would have, should have romance” by Pam

i would have known you better than
i could have and definitely should have
but could have’s, would have’s, and should have’s…
there are many,
but who would haves?

talk is cheap
and now i’d give my life to listen to you for one day
not hear, but listen
i could have, i would have, and i should have listened better than i did… or didn’t.

i could have known you better than
i would have known you better than
i should have known you better than i did… or didn’t.

and now my chance is gone
but was it ever there?
is it fair? is life ever fair?
life after death… is there?
a second chance,
the forgiveness dance?
a girl can have that romance.

how could it end?
how would it end?
how should it end?
the could’s, would’s, and should’s can’t change anything.

 about the author:

I’m Pam aka @pamcakesyumyum on Instagram.  I love your blog and Instagram, and the opportunity it gives for girls to embrace their emotions, whatever they may be.  It is very empowering to do so, and know that it’s okay to be whatever you are in that moment. I am a full-time graduate student in mental health counseling, focusing on school specifically, and just recently left my job where I was for 9 years to pursue what drives me and makes me a more positive and healthier person.

I wrote this below in October 2009 when my grandmother died.  I struggled so deeply with the conflicted relationship that I had with her (or lack thereof).  More importantly, I struggled with myself for holding myself back from embracing any sort of relationship, and only realizing this when it was too late.  As I look back, it still brings me sadness to know that I chose that route for myself back as a young adult.  It also brings me a sense of comfort knowing I am not that person anymore and have learned to embrace my full range of emotions and responsibility of giving those emotions in order to foster positive relationships.
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