The Sexually Liberated Woman: On Sensual Self-Care

“To go in that direction of being sensually embodied, I see that as a giant fuck you to all these systems of oppression telling me that I don’t deserve to be here”

Image Credit: @Evyan.whitney

by Brianne Patrice.

Ev’Yan Whitney, sexuality doula and sex educator, talks healing, taking up space and accessing pleasure through the art of sensuality. She talks about her love for sensual self-portraiture, how such a practice has allowed her to find a home within in her body. And how we, too, can tap into our sensual selves by prioritizing our pleasure in a systemic society that often tells us not to.

Make it your priority.

“I think that prioritizing our pleasure is a radical act. I would even go so far as to say that prioritizing my pleasure, making myself feel good is an act of resistance because there are so many forces that trying to keep us from feeling good”. We often tie word or the use of sensuality to the act of sex and because of that many of us have a hard time embodying or adopting a sensual self-practice. However, sensuality is “basically the practice of being in your body; allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to feel good within your body and within your senses”. In separating the sensual from the sexual, Ev’Yan believes that being “mindful of the present” or by “listening with our senses” we can make ourselves a priority by saying, “these are the things that make me feel good” and “everyday finding ways to go in that direction of pleasure”.

Have fun and explore.

“When I think about sensual self-care, I think about putting pleasure at the center of your self-care”. And because there are so many different avenues to self-care, sensual self-care can look like “anything if, your intention is t show up fully in your body and find ways to make your senses sing”. Because “every sensual body is different” playing around with different foods, textures, sensations, songs and sounds that “resonate really good with your body” allow you to fully explore your body and your senses. “One of the fun parts about creating a sensual self-care practice is that you get to be curious and explore what those things are”. And the more time we take in exploring and uncovering the more we are able to “understand and know we were as a sensual person”.

Develop a practice.

“I think a great way to develop a practice is by periodically asking yourself” questions like “what do my senses need in this moment to feel nourished?” or “what does my body need?”.  By setting this intention of “taking a moment to check-in with our bodies” we get in the habit of prioritizing and tending to the needs of self. We learn how to fully put ourselves first and how to celebrate our sensual selves without guilt or shame. Completing small acts like “setting a reminder on your phone” or placing a “post-in note on your desk” reminding you to take a break is great place to start in developing a sensual self-care practice.

Taking up space.

Many women, like myself, suffer from sexual trauma and often find it hard and uncomfortable to take up space within their bodies. Therefore, sensuality can be seen as an “act of healing for those of us who have been traumatized”. It allows us to really “ask questions to our bodies” or “to give space to our bodies”. And where most of us think to shut off our sensual and sexual selves as a result, Ev’Yan encourages us to look at it from the opposite. She recollected a time when she took a self-defense class and how it served as a “reminder to our inclination to shrink ourselves” to appear as a lesser target but, found it to be that we are actually making ourselves easier targets. “I use my body to say, Yes, I am here. Yes, I have this body. Yes, I am a sensual and sexual being. And you don’t get to insert yourself. You don’t get to put your narrative onto me. You don’t get to come within a 10ft radius of who I am”. And for her that has been counter intuitive, this practice of taking up more space and being fully in her body and in her senses. And her boss bitch energy while she is walking around says “don’t fuck with me. I know I’m the shit but, don’t fuck with me”. And people leave her alone. Yet, for those of us who find it extremely hard and painful to be complete within our body she offers up a piece of advice by suggesting we start a little bit smaller. “Start with just one sense like taste; put all of your energy into exploring that sense”.

Sensual Self-Portraiture

Ev’Yan is a huge advocate for sensual self-portraiture. And not just because “they are fun to take” or “really cute to look at” but, because it's “you taking time and space to be soft with yourself”.  In the act of sensual selfies we are taking time to “highlight and celebrate our sensuality”. We are viewing our sensual and sexual bodies as sacred. She suggests that we set an intention or meet ourselves with an affirmation like “I choose to bare witness to and celebrate my sensuality” and that we remove this idea that we need to “perform sexiness”. That by adopting such a practice we “subvert the male gazy aspect that many of us have built into selfie practices”. And of course I had to get some tips. One thing I really liked was the suggestion of a “sensual selfie kit” and within this kit we fill it with props, like flowers, that help us to tap into our sensual self. She also suggest that we be a “light hunter” or a “sun chaser” by finding an area in our rooms, our homes, apartments and/or offices that we designate just for taking sensual selfies.

Learn more about Ev’Yan, her sensual selfie challenge and her work as a sexuality doula here:

Website: sexloveliberation.com

Instagram: @evyan.whitney