Orgasms + Better Mental Health: Is This a Real Thing, or Just Wishful Thinking?

do orgasms—or, the rhythmic contractions achieved at the climax of sexual arousal—lead to better mental health?

image via @chakrubs.

by Sarah DuRivage-Jacobs.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about orgasms. In part because I just tried a new vibrator, but also because I watched that episode of “Goop Labs” (cue eye roll—sorry, Gwyneth) featuring Betty Dodson’s iconic orgasm workshop. While orgasms are already pretty fantastic because of how they feel, I’ve always assumed that there’s some science-y reason why they could be even more impactful than that. But is there actual evidence that supports the relationship between orgasms and mental health? Or am I just looking for reasons to promote masturbation and sexual stimulation? (An important cause, if you ask me.) And if any of us has trouble orgasming, which many people with vulvas do, are there any negative effects beyond sexual dissatisfaction?

An orgasm is the third stage of sexual arousal (after excitement and plateau, and before resolution). For people with vulvas, orgasms involve rhythmic contractions of the muscles of the vagina and the uterus. Part of why we experience pleasure from orgasms is because they release a lot of the tension built up during the earlier phases of sexual arousal. 

Back to the question at hand: Do orgasms—or, the rhythmic contractions achieved at the climax of sexual arousal—lead to better mental health? Planned Parenthood says yes, for a bunch of reasons. Orgasms come (pun very much intended) with a surge in oxytocin, and lower levels of that neurochemical are often connected to anxiety disorders. Oxytocin helps us relieve tension by making us feel warm and relaxed. (PP points to a study that found that 39% of masturbating women do it to relax.) Masturbation, with or without orgasm, is also linked to higher self-esteem, more positive body image, and less sexual anxiety. Orgasms also just feel really, really good, so that has to be a mood booster. But even though science might support the relationship between mental health and orgasms, everyone’s individual experiences are, of course, unique to them.

Layla*, 26, feels better emotionally after her orgasms, but it took her a little while to get there. When she first started having sex, she was more focused on making the other person happy than she was with her own pleasure. Because her orgasms didn’t feel like they were really hers, they had a negative effect on her mental health—they gave her what she calls “post-orgasm blues.” But after becoming a mom and leaving a toxic relationship, things have changed. “I no longer [feel] guilty about insisting on sexual time for myself and enjoying every moment leading up to the big O,” she says. “Now, everything feels way more empowering and fun and sexy.”

Motherhood has also changed how Anna*, 30, experiences and thinks about orgasms. When she was single, they played a big role in managing her anxiety. “I saw them as medicine for the daily stress of life...and a tool that I could use to hit the reset button,” she says. Now, though, after being with the same partner for eight years and having a child, orgasms do a lot more than simply improve her mental health: “They energize me and refresh me, so I can be more productive.”

For Dee*, who’s also 30, orgasms don’t have the power to radically change her mood—they just underscore what she’s already feeling. “Orgasms are a lot like drinking or weed,” she says. “If you’re already feeling good, an orgasm will make you feel even better. If you’re alone and feeling bad, any relief you get in the moments after will quickly evaporate. It’s like you lose the energy you put into making it happen.”

On the other end of the spectrum, Maggie*, 29, feels more anxiety when thinking about orgasms. As she explains it, “It’s stressful because I’ve never been able to come with another partner before.” But, she tells me, she’s also had trouble experiencing an orgasm on her own. She suspects that one of the reasons she hasn’t yet had the physical sensations of sexual climax is that, for her, stimulating herself is more about stimulating her mind than her body: “Masturbating for me is more reading erotica than it is watching something or touching myself.” Maggie sometimes feels discouraged by her lack of orgasms, but because she views having one as a milestone, she keeps working at it. To her, “[having an orgasm] means that as a woman...I'm healthy and I'm ‘normal,’” she says.

About 5-10% of people with vulvas have never reached orgasm—and it’s more common in younger, less experienced women. The scientific term for this is anorgasmia, and it can be lifelong (when you’ve never had one before), acquired (you used to have orgasms but have trouble getting them now), situational (depending on the type of sexual stimulation or who does it), or generalized (no matter who your partner is or how you’re stimulated, you can’t orgasm).

It is, of course, possible to enjoy sex and not have the rhythmic contractions of an orgasm. But for those who are bothered by it—whether that’s because they’re missing out on the mental health benefits or missing out on the level of pleasure orgasms bring—there are both lifestyle changes and medical treatments to consider. 

One method is simple, fun, and doesn’t require a doctor or a partner: learning to understand your body better. Experimenting with masturbation—by using your hand or a vibrator—can help you figure out what you like and organically navigate your way to orgasms. And since many people prefer one type of stimulation over the other, it’s important to give your clitoris and your vagina some attention. (I myself am a clit gal, in case you were wondering.) You can view this approach as a sexier version of self-care—something that definitely has a positive impact on mental health.

There can also be psychological reasons why orgasming might be difficult. It’s possible you’re having trouble because of body insecurities, your partner, or how you were taught to think about sex and masturbation growing up. If you’re in therapy, you can talk to your therapist about what’s going on. If you’re in a relationship, you could try couples counseling. There are even sex therapists (!!) that can help you get to the bottom of your concerns and come up with exercises to try at home.

Finally, there might be underlying medical conditions that make it harder to orgasm. If you’re taking prescription medication, that could make achieving orgasm more difficult. For women who are postmenopausal, there’s estrogen therapy (either through a pill, patch, gel, cream, suppository, or ring) to alleviate related sexual symptoms. Some women could also benefit from testosterone therapy since the hormone plays a role in sexual function. There are also over-the-counter supplements to help with sexual desire and stimulation, but they aren’t regulated by the FDA.

All of this is to say that having trouble orgasming isn’t uncommon—and there are things you can do to investigate what’s going on, from experimenting at home to getting an expert’s take on the situation. Struggling with climaxing may feel stressful, but it’s worth it—and you’re worth it!—to keep trying. And if you’re already experiencing orgasms and feel happier or more relaxed as a result, that’s great! We all deserve the pleasure and the mental health benefits that come from coming.

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals.

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Sarah duRivage-Jacobs is a freelance writer and editor who lives in New York City with her creamsicle cat, Jasper. When she's not writing words, she's at a karaoke bar scream-singing "Moana" or binge-watching whatever Netflix releases that week (and talking about it on Instagram).