Because sexual liberation starts with getting in touch with yourself first.

by Natalie Escobedo.

Shelby Sells, the intelligent empress of sex, gives us insight on the intersection of love, sex and relationships. She highlights ways in which she uses emotional intelligence and awareness for sexual liberation.

Safe Space for Sex Talk

“Love is a personal and unique experience; there are no rules and we’re all figuring it out.” In her interview series, Shelby chats with people of various backgrounds to shed some light on the spectrum of sexuality and the struggles that come with it. “It's very important for everyone to be seen and heard and to feel comfortable in their own skin and for everybody to feel safe and confident in their own sexuality, so much so that it starts to affect other areas of your life. This is why I aim to give people a voice and acknowledge everyone who’s out there.”

Challenges In Becoming a Sexologist

“Another big challenge that comes with opening up the conversation about sex is that not everyone shares the same ideas as me, so sometimes they don’t want to hear alternative ideas. It can be hard to try to reach people who are more close-minded or not ready to understand that everyone’s allowed to be who they want and love who they want.” Shelby also shares, “I try to spread awareness by teaching people about different alternatives in a loving way, which I think is the most effective way to communicate in my experience. And the best way to combat anything, is through knowledge and spreading awareness. So I try to educate and provide alternative solutions.” Being that voice for others could be a challenge, but Shelby admits that it makes her work more rewarding.

Filling Your Cup

Shelby uses the analogy of ‘filling her cup’ first, through getting plentiful sleep, hydrating and staying in the know about new stories. In doing so, she can continue to both feed and nourish herself and others. “If you start taking care of yourself now, by dealing with traumas, and getting to know yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally— the more true you can be to yourself, and the better partner you could be to others.”

Shelby also adds, “I’ve gone to therapy and I highly recommend it if you can have access to that. It starts with you.”

Learning about our bodies on a physical scope, can be uncomfortable for some. Shelby suggests the importance of utilizing the tools and resources available to you, such as speaking to your doctor to learn about your body and its’ most intimate places. “Get to know where your clit is positioned in regard to where your vaginal opening is. The biology behind it is very important. It’s linked to how easy or hard it will be reach an orgasm through vaginal penetration. Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s a journey.” To get more comfortable with yourself, Shelby also suggests, “buying a vibrator to explore what you like and develop intimacy with yourself.”

Communication Is Key

Shelby notes, “Communication is an important element that helps create a comfortable environment for sex.” For some of us still transitioning into adulthood, whether you’re in college or living with roommates, it could be awkward creating an open space for sex. Letting your housemates know your plans for the night and asking if it’s okay to bring someone home shows you respect those relationships and boundaries at home. Shelby shares, “don’t forget to lock the door if you have your own room! Sometimes people think it is corny or silly to prepare and talk about it. But, the more you prepare and talk about it, the better it’s going to be. Deciding on a place together and communicating with everyone around, helps to make sure everyone is on the same page.”

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You can learn more about Shelby, her work in Sexology and connect with her below:

Instagram: @sweterpupz

Twitter: @sweaterpuppiez

YouTube Series: Perv on the Show

Self-Love Before Love Making: With Sexologist Shelby Sells