The World Is Such A Noisy Place

At that moment I realized that I was letting so many outside voices influence me because I wasn’t familiar with the sound of my own.

image @felicite.cesaire.

It was the end of another meaningless situationship which meant it was the beginning or really the continuation of my confusion. It was an all too familiar feeling but this time it had a certain sting that I had never felt before. As I sat in my room scrolling through social media my mind continued to be scrambled with thoughts. The pictures of beautiful couples hashtagged goals screamed: “You are in your twenties and should be nestled into a relationship by now”. The sunny vacation trips and graduation photos yelled: “What are you doing with your life?! You should be in a different place by now!”. After scrolling myself into a dark abyss I was left with a million more thoughts. My mind felt like a ball of yarn that was trying to unravel itself and outside voices had their hands on the end of the strings. I was being pulled by the voices and opinions of people that I didn’t know and by those I did. At family events, I get the inevitable question, “Why don’t you ever have a man?” or “You know your cousin X is out here doing that thing you always wanted to do, what’s wrong with you?” 

Hearing all of those comments made me wonder, what exactly is wrong with me? Why am I missing out on what seems like ALL of the fun?

So I did what I always do, I went to the library and looked for any book that would help me out of my current funk and state of confusion. I eventually decided on Gabrielle Union’s book, We’re Going To Need More Wine. While reading the book she mentions a time where she was asked what she loved or enjoyed about her life coach. She admits that outside of food she couldn’t name anything else. I read that line over and over again because it hit me right in my core and I asked myself, “Well, what do you love and enjoy?” I came up short and outside of food and family, I was drawing a blank.

At that moment I realized that I was letting so many outside voices influence me because I wasn’t familiar with the sound of my own.

I had no clue what actually made me tick.

It was a moment that was both exciting and nerve-wracking. I was excited that I could now begin to move forward but upset that these things weren’t already known to me. I immediately began my quest to find out more about, self.

I started by removing myself from all social media platforms. I deleted all of the apps from my phone and made sure to clear the history on my computer (goodbye saved passwords!). I vowed to stay away for a minimum of thirty days to help clear my mind. The first few days were hard. Out of habit, I found myself picking up my phone then immediately returning it to it’s resting place once I realized what I was doing. I used resources like Therapy For Black Girls to find a therapist and committed to bi-weekly sessions—not allowing excuses to get in the way.

I journaled my way through each of my experiences adopting new practices that brought what felt like instantaneous change to my life. In the absence of social media, I soon realized that most of my actions came from me “doing it for the gram”. In my actual life, I had no desire to travel to certain places and I definitely didn’t want to recklessly spend obscene amounts of money to do so. I didn’t even want to be in a relationship my fast taught me that I just wanted the attention. Even my shopping became curated around what would be considered “instagrammable fashion”.

Through therapy, however, I was able to admit and realize these things and then come up with a plan to do less of what I thought I should like and more of what I actually love and enjoy. I started to take myself on dates, I was reading more, I was writing more, I was more intentional about having a say in my own life instead of being fed whatever dish society was serving up. These changes allowed me to free up space in my brain and I was able to clear up the noise. The outside noise is still present but, now I’m able to adjust the volume or change the station when I need and want to.

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Na’Kera is a woman with a creative soul. Who loves to tell and share the stories of other people. When she’s not telling a story you can find her curled up with a book that she will definitely recommend to you in random conversation. You can connect with her here: @createwithkay.